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About The Federal “My Insurgent” Detainee Adoption Program

We only require about 2,000 volunteer host families over the next 30-90-days, and if we don’t get them we’ll have to ramp up our placement efforts, and that means forced placements via lottery, most likely. If you are lucky enough to get one in the lottery, congratulations, that means that against all odds, you’re a winner! Many of our insurgent recipients say things like “Gosh, I’ve never won anything in my whole life!” Well, no you haven’t, one might argue.Our agency is proud to boast a grade AAA finance rating, meaning that the likelihood of our money actually being received is as high as it would be with any investment anywhere on earth.

To put that in perspective, corrupt energy companies only had ratings of AAA, much like the banks who made pre-bankrupt loans (also AAA ratings). Municipal Bonds general have a rating a A to AA, but this investment isn’t quite like the returns you might expect from a city bridge or local power plant, but rather one of an echelon so unimaginable that the ratings should not matter.

Many banks refuse to cash IRS tax refund checks, even to established account holders. If this is the case, you can assume the federal government isn’t just morally and ethically bankrupt, but that the finances are getting a bit wiggly too, but that’s no concern to you, because we have a AAA rating.

But that’s no reason for concern. You can expect checks every month, and they WILL cash, or we swear by all that is this government, we’ve got bigger problems than your check not cashing, which technically we do, but that’s another matter altogether.

For now, our program is fully funded by a fortune-50 company you may have heard of operating partially in the American south, as well as partially from our new headquarters in Dubai. We aren’t terrorists ourselves, of course, because that would be silly! We just understand that the nations of the Middle East are in fact our friends, even Afghanistan (from which the United States imports the overwhelming majority of our discount gray-market narcotic pain killers, specifically those of the injected variety.)

But if you want to know more about our reputation, don’t take it from us. Google Alberto Gonzalez and you’ll hastily come to understand how unique our reputation is in the court of American and world opinion. We’re confident you’ll agree that nobody does business quite like MyInsurgent.com!

 My Insurgent.com Articles

See Something, Say Something - We can’t be too concise about this matter, nor can we legally be too vague, but it basically boils down to this; if you see something, say something... Read More

Dos and Don'ts - If you are not a “rules” person, like most of our adoptive families, you may do better to skip our formal pages of formal rules and stick to this handy guideline of dos and don’ts to keep your compass pointing north. Read More

Adoptee/Detainee Profiles - Please browse and choose through some of our many profiles available, and if you see one you like, click to learn more and continue to our adoption page to request your very own “guest” today. View Profiles

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